Merry Xmas - My New Elf Video!! LOL

I was waiting for the launch of Fortune 2x2 ,
Which by the way is amazing! ..
I Made this for FUN in the meantime ... LOL

MLMer's Funny as Video ... Classic!!

Anyone who has been in or is in Network Marketing
or an MLM business....

I am sure this will crack you up laughing ...

Super Funny!!! :)





Can you relate to that.. ... ???
I think we all have a brother & law,
or family member like that ... :)
I certainly do!! lol

Fun Joke - Bob and the Blonde ... :)

Bob and the Blonde!


Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the
story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he will jump.."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet ya he won't."

Bob placed a $20.00 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge
did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20.00 to Bob,
saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."


Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news,
and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

Bit lame, but funny... none the less..






DK-Elite-Enterprises

Fun Pictures & Old Geezers .. lol

Some Fun Pictures, Just for a Good Laugh.. :)
Getting old ain't so bad ... lol

& My Personal Fav' lol

LOL, No point in mucking about! ..

Plan Your Retirement NOW ..

Click HERE..

Hilarious Tassie' Video

Super Funny Video, sent from a friend that
lives over there...
So guessing if she found it funny, & she lives
in Tasmania' then no one else should be offended..
Hope not anyway... lol
And I know I LMAO .. hope you do too... :)
Enjoy!




DK-Elite- Enterprises

Fun Joke - "Some Old Men Can Still Think Fast! " This is one of my Fav' Jokes ...

An elderly man in Taranaki had owned
a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond out the back.
It was perfectly shaped for swimming,
so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, and some apple and
peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go
down to the pond, (as he hadn't been there for a while)
to look it over.
He grabbed a huge bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting
and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his pond....




He made the young women aware of his presence ,
and they all went down to the deep end.


One of the women shouted to him,
"We're not coming out until you leave!"


The old man frowned,
"I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or to make you get out of the pond naked."


AND.......


Holding the rather large bucket up he said,
"I'm just here to feed the alligator"


See... some old men can still think fast..
LOL..

Some Fun Pictures..

"Always in a Hurry" Oops!

"Barbie, Addicted to Facebook" Eeeek..

"A Plumber with a great sense of humour" LOL..

"In my next life , Why I'd like to be a bear"

Fun Joke - True though.. lol

Quote of the day...

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. "

If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she will give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap.....

Be ready to receive a ton of sh*t!!! LOL ..

Fun Joke - Marriage and Sharing.. lol

"The sharing of marriage"... LOL

An old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries
and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half,
placing one half in front of his lovely wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into
two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of her....

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down
between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger,
the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, That poor old couple...
All they can afford is one meal for the two of them.

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table
and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man said, they were just fine - and that they were used to
sharing everything.....

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally
taking turns at sipping on the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy
another meal for them.
This time the old woman said
"No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with
the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady
who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked

"What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered ......


"THE TEETH."



Nothing like sharing everything, aye? ..
How sweet.. lol

Blonde Moment and Jokes.. 'Coz I can...

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at
2am in the morning. ......

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened for a moment And said
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know........
Some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

AND ....................................

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them"

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

* OH to be blonde aye! ... lol

Dianne @ DK Elite Enterprises

Fun Joke, Guess you had to be there.. lol

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous
redhead sitting at the next table.

He has been checking her out since he sat down,
but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying
out of its socket toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air,
and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops
her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.


They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards
they go to the theatre followed by drinks.

They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams
and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like
to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks him a gourmet meal with
all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed.
Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman.

Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"


"No," she replies. . .



Wait for it. .....




The suspense is killing you, isn't it? LOL

*
*
*
*
*
*
*


She says: "You just happened to catch my eye."




DK-Elite-Enterprises

Happy Mothers Day! :) A Great Joke Especially for All the Mums'

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES LOL ...

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car

and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music

or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids;

keep his assigned house clean,

correct all homework, and complete science projects,

cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money

for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends

and relatives, and send cards out on time--no Emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment,

a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the A & E.
He must also make biscuits or cakes for a social function.

Each man will be responible for decorating his own assigned house,

planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep

and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily,

adorn himself with jewellery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,

keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe

abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme,

unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down

from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time

at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning,

feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 8:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks,

and each father will be required to know all of the following

information:

Each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size

and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth,

and length of labour, each child's favourite colour, middle name,

favourite snack, favourite song, favourite drink, favourite toy,

biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

All the above must be completed whilst working in either full time

(preferably) or part time employment to assist in the financial input

for the family.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if... he still has enough energy to be intimate

with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over

and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right

To be called Mum!

LOL, I'm sure most Mothers' can relate to that one..

Hope you had a great Mums' Day!! Every day should

be Mothers day .. :)

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL ...

Hope Everyone, had a Fun, Safe & Happy Easter!

From Dianne @ DK Elite Enterprises

Fun Video, and a Really Cool Trick...

The Phone Number - Really Cool Trick.. :)
If it Matches your Phone Number....

Then you have to watch my fun Video... Deal?

Ok.. Here it is... Grab a calculator & Try it out,
it may freak ya out a little.. lol

1. Key in the first three digits of your phone number
(NOT the Area code...)

2. Then Multiply it by 80

3. Then Add 1

4. Multiply that by 250

5. Then Add to this, the last 4 digits of your phone number

6. Add to this the last 4 digits of your phone number Again..

7. Then Subtract 250

8. Then Divide that number by 2

See if the answer is familiar... lol

Gotcha!!!! 'Tis Magic.. hee hee..

Now ya have to watch my video...






Was that fun? or what? ... lol

DK-Elite-Enterprises

Fun Joke "The BLONDE Mortician"

Not Quite sure what's up with me, and BLONDE Jokes..
heee heee... :) Now It's Blonde/Grey but shhh...(close enough)

Anyhoo, .... Here it is..

The Blonde Mortician!

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive,
expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's
wife how she would like the body dressed.

She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, ..... says that she always thought her husband always
looked his best in blue, and that she would like him in a blue suit.

So she gives the Blonde mortician a blank cheque and says,
"I don't care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit
for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her
husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe!

"The suit fits him perfectly" .. She says to the blonde mortician,
"Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and
I'm very grateful. "

"How much did you spend? " To her astonishment, the blonde mortician
presents her with the blank check.

"There's no charge" she says....
"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"No Honestly, ma'am," the blonde says,
"it cost nothing" .....

You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly
after you left yesterday, and he was wearing a very attractive blue suit.

I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead,
and she said it made no difference, as long as he looked nice.


''So I just switched the heads" ...


Ewwwwww!! , & lucky most blondes are not really that stupid .. ;)

Find out what this blonde is up to here.. ;)
DK-Elite-Enterprises

25 Life Lessons my Mother Taught me.... :)

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, please do it outside.
I've just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC...
"Because I said so! That's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC ....
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the shops with me."


6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT..
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner ."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM ...
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA..
"You WILL sit there until all those broad beans are gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER
"This room of yours looks like a cyclone hit it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"You Just wait 'til we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop pulling those faces, you are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP ...
"Go & Put your jumper on.... Do you think I don't know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR ...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT!
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You are just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS ..
"Shut that door behind you,.. Do you think you were born in a tent?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM ..
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE
(And my all time Favourite & lucky last) ..
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Go Figure.. LOL .. I did have Four Sons .. and Yes I now know
exactly what she meant!.... And Great Lessons they were.. :)


Dianne @
DK-Elite-Enterprises

Express 2 Success in 2010

Yes I am still Here...

Looking at the date of the last post..

you wouldn't have thought so LOL Oopsy!

Well , I will be back more often that's for sure..

and it's going to be a GREAT Year !! :)

Fun, fun & lots of Fun!!

Come visit my new site....

DK-Elite-Enterprises

Any comments on it, feel free to!

I will be adding a lot more jokes ,

and fun stuff... videos etc.. here!

Now I have a new home for my

business ventures ... so keep an

eye out, when you need a laugh!