MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

 AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Funny Picture from Idaho ..... LOL

IDAHO HAS SPOKEN


With the world the way it is today, 
everyone is seeing images in their food - 
from Jesus on a piece of toast
to George Washington on a chicken nugget. 

Now finally someone has found the image 
of Obama on a potato.....     ;)  

Aren't Older Women Great? LOL

An Older Mans' Perspective  :) 

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look 

at my wife one day and said, "Forty years ago we had a 

cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched

 a 10-inch black and white TV...... 

but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, 

a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping 

with a 63-year-old woman.

It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. 

She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl 

and she would make sure that I would once again be living

in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed

and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? 

They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.

Nursery Rhymes but not as we know them ... LOL

You have to be old enough to appreciate these...

If you don't understand, it is because you are too young. 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, 

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 

All the kings' horses, 

And all the kings' men. 

Had scrambled eggs, 

For breakfast again.. 

******************** 

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie, 

Kissed the girls and made them cry. 

And when the boys came out to play, 

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay. 

******************** 

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle, 

All over the bedside clock. 

The little dog laughed to see such fun. 

Then died of electric shock. 

******************** 

Jack and Jill went up the hill 

To have a little fun. 

Stupid Jill forgot the pill 

And now they have a son. 

******************** 

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
******************** 

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. 

Said Simple Simon to the pie man, 

'What have you got there?' 

Said the pie man unto Simon, 

'Pies, you dumb ass' !! 

******************** 

Mary had a little pig, 

She kept it fat and plastered; 

And when the price of pork went up, 

She shot the little bastard 

******************* 

Definitely not how I remember them at all .... LOL  

The Joys of Getting Old, huh!

"Killer the useless guard dog" !

Our house was broken into last night by two robbers who locked
me in the bathroom, and then proceeded to steal all they could carry.

Our watchdog Killer did not alert us at all, and for this reason
we are giving him away.....

We no longer want this dog. We have decided on installing an
electric fence and detection devices with alarms. They're cheaper
to maintain and definitely a lot more reliable....

For those interested in adopting this dog, please send an
e-mail immediately.....

Killer is fun to hang out with, but otherwise pretty useless.

A recent photo of Killer is included below. 

'Killer' is a Norwegian Beer Hound... 

.... can you tell he is 100% purebred? LOL  

DID YOU KNOW? ........

Very interesting . . . Dead Penguins - I never knew this! Did you ever wonder why there are  no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go? Well, Wonder no more ! ! !  It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely  ordered and complex life.  The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its  offspring throughout its life.  If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface,  other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into,  and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing............. "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow." You really didn't believe that I know  anything about penguins, did you?  It's so easy to fool OLD people. I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!!

Funny Video and Happy Halloween

"Pigeon Impossible! "
Brilliant .... 

WITHOUT A DOUBT ONE OF THE 
BEST SHORT ANIMATED VIDEOS
 YOU'LL EVER WATCH!

The animation on this is superb! Enjoy!

Oh and Happy Halloween LOL 

Fun Irish Joke - A Family Tradition

An Irish Family Tradition

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had 

all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Micky, took a boat out

 to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat  ...and nearly drowned!

Micky  just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk

'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said,

 "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather

 were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were

 born in August, ya dip shit.

Funny Quickies

I dialed a number and got the 

following recording:

"I am not available right now, 

but Thank you for caring enough 

to call. I am making some 

changes in my life. 

Please leave a message 

after the Beep. 

If I do not return your call,
You are one of the 

changes." 

~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before you 

expire.
~~~~~

( I LOVE THIS ONE! )

My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your 

glasses without your glasses.
~~~~~
Blessed are those who can give 

without remembering
And take without forgetting.
~~~~~

The irony of life is that, by the 

 time You're old enough to know 

your way Around, 

you're not going anywhere.
~~~~~
God made man before woman so 

as to give him time to think 

Of an answer for her first question.
~~~~~

I was always taught to respect my 

elders, But it keeps getting harder 

to find one.

~~~~~

Every morning is the dawn
of a new error.
~~~~~

Funny Signs

Hmmmmm!!!  Bit Blonde or What? LOL 

Funny Video

HILARIOUS OLD MAN PICKING UP CHICKS ... 

The look on their faces is priceless! 

"You can't stay young forever...but you can be immature

 as long as you want." 

Group Therapy LOL

Group Therapy

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy

session with five young mothers and their small

children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said: 

"You are obsessed with eating. 

You've even named your daughter Candy."


He turned to the second Mum, Ann: 

"Your obsession is with money. It manifests itself

in your children's names, Penny, Goldie and Frank."


He turned to the third Mum, Joyce:

 "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in

your children's names: Brandy and Sherry. 

You even called the cat, "Whisky".


He then turned to the fourth Mum June:

 "Your obsession is with flowers. 

Your girls are called Rose, Daphne & Poppy."


At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy, quietly got up,

took her little boy by the hand and whispered:

 "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's
talking about. 

Let's pick up Fanny and Willy and go home." 

ooooh aaahhhhh!

          This is .....

Funny Joke - ouch... LOL

Tonsils vs. Circumcision

Two little kids are in the hospital, lying on stretchers 

next to each other outside the operating room, 

the first surgeries of the day.

The first kid leans over and asks,

 "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says,

 "I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry 

about. I had that done when I was four. 

They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they

give you lots of Jelly and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "Circumcision."

"Whoa!" the second kid replies, "Good luck, buddy. 

I had that done when I was born. 

Couldn't walk for a year."  

LOL 

Some Funny Definitions of 'OLD'

Well, I am not that old yet ...... 
(although if you asked a 12 year old, they would think so)
I thought these were funny!


It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker .....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
 told her preacher she had two final requests.
 First, she wanted to be cremated  and second,
 she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

  "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed!!
  "Why Wal-Mart?
                     
 "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
 twice a week"  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



My friend quietly confided to her best friend that she was
having an affair.....

She turned to her and asked,   "Are you having it catered"?

And that, my friend, is a sad definition of 'OLD'!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman,
 "And what do you think is the best thing
 about being 104?"  the reporter asked.

 She simply replied, "No peer pressure" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 Know how to prevent sagging?

 Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to  join a fitness club
 and start exercising....

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down,
and perspired for an hour.

But, by the time I got my leotards on,
 the class was over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE SENILITY PRAYER :


Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway, 

the good fortune to 

run into the ones I do, and

 the eyesight to

 tell the difference.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 FUNNY BABIES VIDEO

One of my fav' videos for a good laugh, 
and way too cute .....

Beware! The laughter in this video is highly

 contagious ... ROFL 

Wow, look how long it has been since my last post....

Big OOops , and since I love to laugh so much

Best I start posting again on a more regular basis huh! 

 Naughty me!! 

So I will find some new jokes and get this blog going again.... 

" I'll be back " as Arnie would say!!  :)