Nursery Rhymes but not as we know them ... LOL

You have to be old enough to appreciate these...

If you don't understand, it is because you are too young. 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, 

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 

All the kings' horses, 

And all the kings' men. 

Had scrambled eggs, 

For breakfast again.. 

******************** 

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie, 

Kissed the girls and made them cry. 

And when the boys came out to play, 

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay. 

******************** 

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle, 

All over the bedside clock. 

The little dog laughed to see such fun. 

Then died of electric shock. 

******************** 

Jack and Jill went up the hill 

To have a little fun. 

Stupid Jill forgot the pill 

And now they have a son. 

******************** 

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
******************** 

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. 

Said Simple Simon to the pie man, 

'What have you got there?' 

Said the pie man unto Simon, 

'Pies, you dumb ass' !! 

******************** 

Mary had a little pig, 

She kept it fat and plastered; 

And when the price of pork went up, 

She shot the little bastard 

******************* 

Definitely not how I remember them at all .... LOL  

The Joys of Getting Old, huh!

"Killer the useless guard dog" !

Our house was broken into last night by two robbers who locked
me in the bathroom, and then proceeded to steal all they could carry.

Our watchdog Killer did not alert us at all, and for this reason
we are giving him away.....

We no longer want this dog. We have decided on installing an
electric fence and detection devices with alarms. They're cheaper
to maintain and definitely a lot more reliable....

For those interested in adopting this dog, please send an
e-mail immediately.....

Killer is fun to hang out with, but otherwise pretty useless.

A recent photo of Killer is included below. 

'Killer' is a Norwegian Beer Hound... 

.... can you tell he is 100% purebred? LOL  

DID YOU KNOW? ........

Very interesting . . . Dead Penguins - I never knew this! Did you ever wonder why there are  no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go? Well, Wonder no more ! ! !  It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely  ordered and complex life.  The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its  offspring throughout its life.  If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface,  other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into,  and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing............. "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow." You really didn't believe that I know  anything about penguins, did you?  It's so easy to fool OLD people. I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!!